Lack of Maid Service.
Yes I know all those Staycationiers advise hiring a maid service to come in while you’re staycationing – this is a terrible idea and I’ll tell you why:
Staycations are supposed to be relaxing. There is no way I could ever relax knowing someone is due to drop by to clean my house, or knowing they were actually in my house cleaning it.
Plus I expect they’d want me to pay them for this service. With actual money. And we all know that ain’t happening.
Someone at Some Point would undoubtedly have to Cook Something.
Yes we have certainly cooked while on vacation – the hotel rooms we enjoy most come with lovely little kitchens and I have been known to whip up a platter fulla mean chicken salad sandwiches alongside the road in the middle of a North Dakota rainstorm using the suv hatch as a roof of sorts.
But cooking in my own kitchen with my own stuff with regular food from my own pantry would simply not be the same.
It just wouldn’t.
Plus who’d fill and empty the dishwasher? (At the hotel the maid does that. And I love her for it. Or maybe she’s a he.
Either way I love him. Her).
What the Crap Would We Do?
I’ve seen many suggestions on this and frankly they all stink.
Pretend you’re a tourist in your own town they say. Do all the touristy stuff they say.
Obviously these people don’t homeschool.
I’ve been there, done that with all the touristy stuff within at least a two hundred mile radius of my town.
More than once. Seriously.
I don’t wanna see all that stuff again.
Have a Family Movie Night.
Oh whatever - we do this all the time. Outside, inside, and while camping. You haven’t lived till you’ve watched I Am Legend on a laptop next a open fire in the Middle Of Nowhere.
(The Middle Of Nowhere is really really dark).
Have A Game Night
We have about fifty gazillion games (give or take five). We’ve played them over & over & over.
There is nothing staycationie about this.
Tie Die T shirts and bedazzle them with your family name and Staycation 2014!
Eat Out Every Day
Frankly this sounds boring. I don’t go on vacations to eat out, I go to see stuff. Historical stuff, natural stuff, artsy stuff, weird stuff I haven’t seen before.
Aside from trying out new (to me) regional delicacies, eating out while on vacation is just something I do because if one doesn’t eat one gets really really ornery.
Then one becomes faint, feels absolutely awful.
And eventually one dies.
I think more people should eat in order to simply keep from dying rather than all those other reasons I’m not going to mention because we all know what they are.
(Boy I really don’t like that word).
We do this about once a week with a local summer program.
(Well, I don’t actually bowl since my hands become immediately numb and I refuse to wear shoes other people have worn.
On. Their. Feet. Yuck).
But I cheer everyone else on.
And eat onion rings.
I love onion rings.
My husband takes the kids golfing while I read. I’ve tried golfing a couple of times – unfortunately I can’t seem to actually hit the ball.
It’s quite depressing and I don’t wish to discuss it further.
Fishing, Camping, Hiking, Boating.
These are the things our family does nearly year round, thus they just don’t sound all that staycationie. (Not the boating. I don’t trust boats because they go out on the water, are entirely capable of sinking, and I can’t swim.
And no I’m not taking swimming lessons either.
They expect you to wear a bathing suit….)
At this point I expect everyone out there is asking Well Ms. Smart Ass Know It All (come on, you know you were thinking it) what glorious vacation are you taking this summer?
And I’ll answer: We aren’t.
Though I do have a series of Road Trips planned. And I have three pages (printed, double spaced 12 font) of To Do’s. I’m hoping to get a least a quarter of these babies finished before fall truly sets in.
(Didn’t know I was such an optimist did you?)
But the Road Trips are Road Trips and all that other stuff (camping, fishing, etc..) is Just Stuff We Do. To wrap it all up and call it a Staycation wouldn’t fool one single member of my family.
Cause we all know true vacations involve some sort of complicated, very probably overpriced, pain in the butt travel, possible crowds (I hate crowds), glorious new scenery, getting lost, finding yourself, nice hotels, dubious hotels, strange tasting water, weird smells, and maid service.
I went to car henge once. It really wasn’t all that much to look to (especially when compared to Stonehenge which you absolutely shouldn’t do), and it isn’t what I’d call a destination attraction. But we got to see a tornado in the distance, I found some great china in a local thrift shop, the hotel was okay, and I really really liked the maid service
So - what are you doing this summer?
Cave touring kidlet on a Road Trip. Not a Staycation.